How to spot a Narcissist? Or become Narcissist-proof?
Our Embodied Feminine Woman Institute, Mentor Nada Iancov nails it:
"Learning to play "spot the narcissist" is not the same thing as healing from the core wounds that make you vulnerable to narcissistic abuse in the first place.
If a community is doing little beyond encouraging hypervigilance (trauma response) and perpetuating misguided fear & hatred towards men —- instead of extensively modeling healthy relationship dynamics & secure attachment — that is not a support system. It’s a hotbed of victimhood that will keep you armored & isolated from love, albeit surrounded by wounded women as your chosen sisterhood.
Choose your environments with care!"
Well said Mentor Nada Iancov!
A high-value woman isn't a woman who is so perfect she is above help and support, it's you and me saying, "let more into my life", "I need help and I am so ok with that," and "support is my birthright, I was never meant to do it alone"....AND "how can I make my life easier and lighter, where can I bring in support?"
Superwoman, all alone and mighty with the weight of the world on her shoulders, trying to prove she is made of steel is optional, but the High-Value Woman distributes her weight on to others. She seeks to make her life a much softer place to land for herself while being just as impactful. Sacrificing herself, her health, love life, and wellbeing are not an option. She values her own care for herself deeply and lives by that code.
How To Create Connection Instead Of Repelling Love With A Man When You Are Angry
By Embodied Feminine Woman Institute Mentor Valarie
Hi Beauties,
DO you often fear your own anger with a man because you feel caught between pretending not to feel hurt or exploding on him and sabotaging the relationship?
Do you sometimes feel there is no room for your anger with a man, much less have it create even more connection between the two of you?
WHAT IF YOUR ANGER could be the gateway to draw a man in closer, have him find your more thrilling than ever and want to do anything to be your hero?
I recently taught Embodied Feminine Woman Institute member, Jean, HOW TO EXPRESS HER AUTHENTIC ANGER WITH A MAN, WITHOUT PUSHING HIM AWAY & creating real connection with him.
Jeanette was feeling really frustrated with a man who was beginning to ask her to rearrange her schedule in order to meet with him.
She enjoyed her time with him & he was fully present when they were together, but this rescheduling was starting to annoy her & she found herself shutting down & then reacting out of anger.
As a Master Coach at the Embodied Feminine Woman Institute, I show women every day how to create the love life of their dreams - while feeling the happiest & most attractive they've ever felt.
That includes embracing their authenticity rather than shutting their heart down to a man when feelings get tough.
Hint: When your feelings are intense, that's the time to OPEN, not shut down your heart.
This includes finally learning how to STOP reacting from disempowerment and instead, learning to ask your heart what it is truly feeling & needing and using feminine communication and feminine boundaries to get a man to hear you, to really feel safe and heard.
First of all, as you go to speak with him, center on this.....
He is just a man
He is probably clueless
He is flawed and not perfect
He is trying, but won’t always get it right.
Avoid reacting from these assumptions:
He is doing this on purpose
He is showing me how unworthy he thinks I am
He should know how I feel and doesn't actually care how I feel
If he is doing this it means he isn't serious about me
He needs to learn how to win with you, and he will want to win when you show him how.
This is when he looks to you for guidance on what will fill your needs, emotionally, physically, intellectually. You guide him by knowing yourself and sharing what your heart needs.
Sometimes you have to sit with this for a little bit to truly know. Only then can you relay to a man in a healthy way what it is you need,
HERE'S WHAT NEVER WORKS:
*Demanding it from him (hint: NEVER WORKS!)
*Suppressing it
*Blowing up at him
*Accusing him
*Shutting down
What It Can Look Like:
It can look like this, “It feels so good to spend time with you. I find myself smiling for hours afterwards. I’m only available at the time we originally set. I feel disappointed because it would’ve been great to see you. I'd love to see you again soon."
This way, she’s not punishing him and she’s also not being a doormat by constantly making herself available whenever he chooses.
She’s expressing herself authentically & stepping into her power by setting a boundary that is clear, yet not demeaning WHICH SAYS "QUEEN" TO A MAN, FAST.
The way you act here SAYS "QUEEN" TO A MAN, FAST.
This opens her up in a way that is soft & warm to a man yet strong & grounded at the same time. This is a woman that a man feels safe around & he naturally finds himself gravitating towards & wanting more & more of, all the time.
Like one of our clients who followed our guidance and is now in the best relationship of her life, told us her man said to her, "At first I thought you were this soft and alluring woman. As I got to know you, I started realizing you were made of beautiful strength and I was set on fire. Now, I know you are a Queen, my Queen."
Feminine communication and feminine boundaries are irresistible to men because they come from our inner Queenship.
You Can Attract The Man & Relationship You've Always Wanted
You can become the alluring woman men are attracted to and want to be with forever. By practicing the life-changing teachings we guide you to becoming a QUEEN of Men's Hearts by first becoming the Queen of your own Heart.
That's when your confidence & self-esteem will naturally attract men to you. You'll learn how to inspire a man, no matter what you are authentically feeling, to always want to be close to you.
And you'll know how to create a healthy environment where conflicts are resolved in a way that connects you more deeply.
If you don't learn what makes a man really feel attraction, you'll keep accidentally attracting the wrong men, wondering why the right one never shows up, and working too hard for love.
How some of you deal with your emotions.
Let's say inside a room there is a chair. Statement of observable fact.
There is a white room with a chair.
The chair is a an emotion:
If I say:
"There is no chair."
"That chair is negative."
"I am afraid if I do the inner work I will see a chair."
"There is no chair in the room because I am on a comfortable sofa."
"Chair? What chair? There is only white walls."
"As soon as I started doing the inner work, there appeared a chair, it wasn't there before."
"UUUGH, it is so much work to see the chair."
"There may be a chair there, but DON"T believe it, DO NOT BELIEVE IT!!!. PRETEND IT'S A CLOUD, PASSING."
"Don't let the chair drive, just let it sit in the back of the room. No one needs to sit on it."
"If I sit on the chair it will collapse, I will fall to the floor and die."
"Are you telling me I am bashing a man with a chair? And if I put the chair down he and I can both sit? Where tho'? What if we don't both fit in the chair?"
"Are you telling me he has a chair too? NOOOO, only the chair in my room exists."
"If I see the chair in his room, the chair in mine disappears, poof!"
"Everyone! Control your chair! Go grab it, hold it hard, don't let that chair move!"
"Mantra: "there is no chair, there is no chair, there is no chair."
"Law of attraction: "If I only see a white room, I will never see a chair again."
"If you tell me there is a chair in there, you'll hurt my feelings."
"Oh, I don't like that chair, nope, It's an ego, yep, it's an ego, I must transcend this source of evil object in my room."
"What? Men are capable of having chairs in their room?"
And yet, there is a white room, inside of which, there is a chair.
You are always loved,
Gio
"You are so beautiful, I wish I looked like you, I'm not attractive!"
"Well you know me, always messing up."
"Men just aren't in to me."
"I am fat and gross..."
"I hope a man likes me too!"
Beauty,
A Goddess does not speak down to herself. A goddess honors her heart and how it feels-
When you speak down to yourself- tune in and see how your heart feels, hearing you dismiss its inherent worth and its feelings. It will feel small and wounded.
Become aware of the words you use to describe yourself, and never let them be dismissive.
A Goddess never talks down to herself-- privately or publicly.
You are always loved,
Gio
Do men find a Woman's intelligence intimidating? Part 2
If the Feminine is like the ocean- imagine an ocean without beaches or boundaries, washing ceaselessly over the earth- demanding the earth have no land of its own, no trees, no space or individual sense of self.
While the earth can contain the ocean, the ocean needs to honor boundaries and not overrun and drown the earth.
Storms here and there, ok, but living in the eye of a hurricane daily or even weekly? No tree would be left standing.
Ladies, often we see women say things like, "I don't know WHY he broke up with me."
Those same women had men tell them things like,
"I don't like the way we fight."
"I don't get to see my friends or do my own things."
"I need emotional stability for my children and this relationship is volatile"
"I feel I never make you happy."
"I feel you are controlling sometimes."
And yet the women, as if nothing has been said, STILL ask WHY?
Or even WORSE- we ask how to get him back without asking WHY...
Perhaps before addressing the problems of why he left, we need to address the problems of learning to listen and see a person as a human being.
Those women are used to being heard by men by getting loud and out of control. Men are used to checking out and leaving when a situation isn't compatible with their view of life.
And yet, we are so shocked when they do. And then if we are really toxic, we blame them and call them labels like narcissists for leaving.
In life, we often ask why, when answers were right there under our noses all along. We blame men or the universe when we need to look in a mirror.
Why should anyone date you? Coach you? Live with you? Work for you? When their wellbeing is your last priority.
Said with love, smh,
Gio
DO MEN FIND WOMEN'S INTELLIGENCE INTIMIDATING?
A man in his solid and true masculine self will never find a woman's intelligence and power intimidating or diminishing of his own power. It is only when he does now OWN his masculine center and his OWN wisdom, that a woman's wisdom will feel to him like a wave that drowns him. Does the ocean, however, want to be asked to be a puddle? If he isn't the earth, he cannot contain the ocean. You don't have to ever make yourself small. The right man for you will fall in love with all of the truth AND power of who you are.
Embodied Feminine Woman Institute Mentor Lauren writes-
Hi Beautiful Ladies
In ancient wisdom texts, the season of Summer has been associated "breaking out". A time of expansion and emerging from our inward winter cocoons into the warmth of the sun and closeness with others around us.
With the long, full Summer days ahead of us, it can often bring up thoughts of what we don't have- laughter, time spent at the beach with loved ones, closeness to a man.
Before I had the deep and nourishing support of 1-1 coaching to heal and walk me step-by-step back home to my inner Feminine, summer was a difficult time.
Summer brought me face-to-face with the friends I didn't have, the soulmate I didn't have, it was filled with a lot of loneliness. I used to observe everyone around me having fun and connection, and felt so far away from them, an outsider.
But today, as I emerge from a beautiful weekend by the sea, full of laughter, love and great friends who uplift me at the deepest level, with a man by my side who is more of rock, King and hero for all parts of me than I ever imagined possible, I am reflecting on just how much can change in a short amount of time.
Peace used to elude me. Sensuality, desirability and connection to my body, eluded me. Authentic soul-to-soul connection with those around me, eluded me. Passion and creativity eluded me -- all of these things, are our birthright, as the Feminine. And with the right guidance of a Queen who had walked through this doorway, too, all of those things came flooding back.
I wish I could go back to that inner girl, observing everyone from afar, feeling isolated and alone, and let her know how far and deeply things would be changing for her, how her life would be unrecognizable, how she would have the love she only saw in fairy tales - with a masculine man, and with herself.
So I've decided to open up some spots in my calendar this week for those who are feeling ready for a deeper level of healing and support, and working privately with us. A lot can change in a season, if you know it's your time click below:
https://go.oncehub.com/HVWLauren
Looking forward to connecting with you. <3
See a woman emotionally eating? She's wearing her grief and her loneliness.
See a woman chasing a man? She's wearing her little child's hopes that if she works hard enough love will finally return and choose her.
See a woman that has let herself go? She's wearing a lot of pain she tried hard and rightfully to forget by forgetting herself.
See a woman that can't get "it" together? She's wearing her trauma on her. If she gets "it" together she might "get it" again (the trauma.)
See a woman lacking will power? She's wearing her hopelessness at life and demoralized more than you could know. Her will lacks her heart's why.
It's not the emotional eating, it's not the chasing a man, it's not the letting herself go- it's not about that.
Sure invite her to remember herself and do better by her own self, but these are just symptoms of grief, of trauma, of abandonment......
Go to the root.
If grief isn't felt and safety to feel provided, grief will be worn and unsafety lived in.
You are always loved,
Gio
Spend extra time "dolling" yourself up for that date with that one man?
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Is that the HVW mindset? Yes and no. Remember it's not the action in itself, it is the substance behind it.
Here's. what I mean-
Imagine dating a man whose life is in shambles, who spends every day in sweats, has no drive for his life- and takes no care of himself. He sees a beautiful woman and that evening hits. the gym for the first time in 15 years, shaves for the first time in 5 years, and buys a brand new outfit he thinks she will like?
What's wrong here? This isn't trying to impress you.........this is misrepresenting himself to himself. He isn't dealing with the most important things here- his DAILY relationship to himself.
He needs to get up and shave or not shave, for himself.
He needs to care not abandon himself.
He needs to have his own reason for happiness, hisown purpose and drive......
He needs to the DAILY actions of healthy self- relating- not the one time bid to impress.
Because sooner or later, he always comes back home to himself, and will bring the woman with him- so what home has he built in his life for himself? And another.
It is so extremely easy to self-abandon, to lose self-respect (respect towards our being, our wellness, our needs, our body, our world) and to go on living daily barely surviving instead of thriving- forgetting the last time we got ready for ourselves.
So, does a HVW spend extra time "dolling" herself up for a date- yeah, if she wants to- go for it, do it......but she spends time throughout the week dedicated to taking care of the very real needs of her health, body, mind, spirit and soul-
A well taken care of woman (a woman who responds to her needs), attracts the same in men.
It's in the daily actions where you turn to yourself, with compassion ,tuning in to what you need and not away from yourself, that the Feminine magic happens.
You are always loved,
Gio
"So You Don't Need a Man?" He asked her
==========================
That is a quote one of our women clients told us she was asked by a man that triggered her to come work with us. They had been connecting, and right before pulling away, he asked her, "So you are really independent right? You don't really need a man or masculine presence in your life?" He then pulled away.
Masculine men need to be needed by their women like they need oxygen.
We've lost count of how many of our EFW clients tell us their men, which they've attracted using our programs, tell them, "I just want to do anything to make you happy."
What a man wants most is your vulnerable heart, your embodied love for yourself, your feminine energy, and your receptive appreciation.
He wants to know he can be "THE MAN" in your life.
WE women have been hurt and have so many reasons to feel fearful of a man coming towards us. WE have had to filter bad men from good men and going through heartbreak. Men have their pain too, similar, yet different.
When a really quality man appears, he usually takes the masculine protecting, providing role.
Now a woman might be so touched and have feelings for this man, that in an effort to keep his interest she tries hard to lean back but does it through her fears, wounding, basically in her shadow.
She subconsciously tries so hard not to lean forward and be needy, that she is constantly sending a subconscious message to him telling him she doesn't need him.
>>>He offers to come to pick her up, she says, "Oh let's meet halfway, don't want you to drive all the way here."
*Translation: "I am so not used to receiving like this I am afraid to take too much from you and lose you, or you will lose interest."
Man thinks, "Wow, she doesn't need me, doesn't have room for what I can provide, I don't feel like a man." (turn off)
>>>He might call and ask how she is doing and in an effort to prove she is liked and has a full life, she is always telling him,
"Oh my best friend (male) and I talked for hours yesterday, he was so funny, we are going to this concert together!"
Then she hangs up on him quickly (has to seem "busy" after all) cutting the conversation short.
*Translation: "I am afraid of how much I need him, I have to receive little by little so he isn't overwhelmed. I want him to know I have others who care about me and that I am happy and healthy, so as to appear more attractive."
-He thinks, "Wow, hours with her male friend, minutes with me, she is obviously taken care of by others, there is no room for what I provide here, therefore there is no room for me." Hero instinct repelled.
These defense mechanisms are designed in a woman's subconscious to tell a man, "I DON'T NEED YOU" as a way of hiding her feelings and "playing harder to get" and/or because she is afraid of just how much she needs him and afraid if he knows this, he will lose interest.
It may also be her anger at men playing out- her anger at how much she still desires a male companion even after all the real heartbreak she has endured, so she pushes love away to test a man however a quality man won't bite.
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SHE IS NOT IN HER RECEPTIVE, FEMININE ENERGY AND THIS REPELS MEN.
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Her neediness and her real vulnerable needs for a man are enmeshed (she needs inner work!)
>>> He calls and offers to fix a leak in her roof, she says, "Oh don't worry about it, I've got some handymen coming, I'm good."
Instead of letting herself feel what she really feels-which is..
"Wow, you would do that for me! That just totally lit me up! I am smiling! Sure, please come over handsome!"
And saying THAT would go a LONG way to triggering his Hero instinct and love for her.
Sharing a lot of happy and grateful emotions and speaking them to him in this way would nourish his masculine soul.
Another way to say it would be:
"Oh thank you! That means so much to me that you would want to take care of that for me! My hero!"
>>>Trigger his Hero Instinct fast with that one.
Leaning back IS NOT about performing, pretending, shutting down a man's masculine energy- it is about creating space for " what is"......and sometimes beautiful you might not even be aware you are shutting a quality man you like out.
Then how women compensate- and here's the clincher= is that they repel him by shutting our need for him and not being receptive- and then they begin to lean forward by calling him, texting him, leading, pursuing him and taking on the masculine role!!!
Then he pulls away fast!!! and it's over!
You see?
Leaning forward is what we do when we are afraid of our feminine and afraid of how much we need a masculine presence.
Needing is vulnerable. Needy is self-disconnection.
Leaning back in its truest form is about being open and vulnerable to the right man, receiving, appreciating him, AND when not with him taking amazing care of you.
And feeling good about that on the inside bc you've done the healing inner work on it (if you need to do powerful, healing inner work on all of this, our programs are the best in the world hands down- pm Mentor Lauren, Mentor Erika Getchell or Mentor Christy Acuna.)
When a man, a masculine man, does not feel needed, he does not feel received, he does not feel SEEN as a man. HE NEEDS TO BE NEEDED for what he wants to contribute, provide, and give to your life.
We teach you the art of Feminine Receiving that inspires men to want to give to you more and more, protect you (take a bullet for you), and bring generous, quality, reliable, beautiful, protective, rock-solid masculine energy into your life!
You are always loved,
Gio
Emotionally Unavailable Men ( A longer read for today )
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In the work I do it is sometimes really sobering to see how much the love that was absent in our childhood and how we learned to cope with that absent love, drives our relationships in our adult years.
I have seen so many women caught up in patterns of co-dependence and attached to absent love.
Think about it- if you had an absent father whose love you were always searching for- the pattern established is-
His Love is absent and you must search for it.
There fore women often fall for emotionally unavailable men whose love is absent- and only then can these women feel in love, feel intense desire---->
Because they are reliving their intense childhood desire and hoping to end it, or to meet it.
And what does absent love look like--->
-well it often looks like emotionally unavailable men.
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And when those little girls had absent human fathers to learn to relate to, they created fantasy fathers in their mind, grabbing pieces here and there from movies, books or neighborhood fathers and created the idealized father- their projection.
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So when a real man comes along, they are unable to see the man, they only see Mr. Right, Prince Charming, Rescuing Knight in Shining Armour.
They can't see the human, so the emotionally unavailable man only retracts further into his shell, his fear of being known (bc who can live up to that right?)
And when an emotionally available man comes along, these beautiful women often simply don't understand this and they look for ways to sabotage it......
Because they never simply received this absent love for no other reason than Being.
This leads many women to be the pursuer in relationships with men and to chase love, over-function and overgive a guy, because they always have to earn that absent love their inner little girl was chasing..... instead of allowing love to come to them.
Because when they were children--- love didn't come to them, not in the way they needed it.
This is just one of many patterns that call us to evaluate the way we give and receive love before we ever expect to have a great relationship with another loving human being.
One of the most powerful aspects of a Goddess, is her groundedness in her own worth- she stops chasing, she doesn't act in ways that are contrary to her own heart. She turns her desperation into Feminine radiance, power, worth and abundance.
She accepts or rejects, but she doesn't try to change him.
So when a man is not stepping up for her, she does NOT step in for HIM. She leans back, allowing him the space to feel what he is missing and giving him the opportunity to become a greater man. Through her feminine a woman calls her man UP into his greatest potential. Don't chase, step in, fix, do his job.
Goddess, lean back.
You are always loved,
Gio
George Floyd and the Surpassing Dignity of the Human Heart
==============
Beauties, we want to take a break from our ordinary content today to talk a little bit about what’s happening in the world.
Just to set the table, we are, first and foremost, a relationship company. We teach our members how to open their tender hearts to the world so that love can enter in. We show women that they are loved, beautiful, sacred, and valuable and that they deserve to be treated as such. No matter what.
But there are times when the world dares us to go beyond our day to day lives; to reach higher and dig deeper; to be brave-hearted enough for the compassion, fairness and radical respect that is the foundation of all love, be that love romantic, familial or any other kind.
This moment is one of those challenges. Today is one of those times.
We teach women here that we are all sisters, that we are all embodied, love. But we also know, if we are truly honest with ourselves, that our society does not treat all of those bodies the same way. The bodies of African-Americans and other POC are often capriciously brutalized, as we saw with George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and David McAtee. They are intentionally threatened with the use of that brutality, as we saw with Christian Cooper. And in many communities across the United States, they are over-policed, undervalued in the eyes of the law, and perhaps most heartbreakingly, made to argue for the worth of their own lives.
This is not acceptable and it has to change. The surpassing, inherent dignity of the human heart requires it.
Those of us who have not experienced it do not understand it. And we at EFW who haven’t are not here to insert ourselves in those stories, but to open our hearts as wide as we can to those who have. We promise we will not look away. We promise we are okay with being uncomfortable. We want to hold space for your trauma if you want to share it. This community is a safe space for you to feel your pain and process it. And we call on every sister in this to have the courage of your own compassion, and most of all, to listen.
The feminine is a cup from which healing flows. Please let yours run over.
Actions:
We will be reaching out to our African American and other sisters of color to help educate us on how we can keep our communities safe and inclusive. We will protect our most vulnerable members. It’s time. We can do better. We can do more.
We are donating to: https://www.joincampaignzero.org/#vision
We know that it is frightening out there. And we know our communities are feeling that fear, that tension, that unease. Let’s lean into it, use it, and mine the understanding that so often lives at the bottom of any uncomfortable feeling.
Now, more than ever, you are always loved.
Gio + VP Mona Awad + Embodied Feminine Woman Team
DONATE:
https://www.joincampaignzero.org/#vision
https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
PHOTOCREDIT: Wilbursectionkid
Books:
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo
Racing to Justice by John A. Powell
How To Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
What If I Say the Wrong Thing? 25 Habits For Culturally Effective People by Verna A. Myers
Campaign Zero is a comprehensive platform of policy solutions to end police violence in America.
Why Chasing A Man Will Not Get You Cherished As A Woman ==================================================
We chase a man when we are looking for control.
We still don't quite know how to attract the love we want and so we have to find ways to force it, control it, make it happen, and force a man to like us, commit to us and be with us.
We stalk him on social media. Text him just to say hi. We try to be sweet, nice and do things for him. We try hard to impress him, convince him, and win him over.
All of those are the exact opposite of feminine energy whose foundation is emotional freedom. You aren't free, therefore he pushes away from control. And we control because we are disconnected from our Feminine power and because inside, we allow fear and desperation to be the only means we USE to get love.
It's unattractive and no woman in her masculine energy is going to attract the sort of masculine man she wants. That's when men pull away, ghost us, make convenient excuses like saying "he really wants to see you but he just had a family emergency or he has been super busy lately." Or maybe he does see you for coffee, or invites you to hang, or may even still take you to dinner one last time... But it's clear he's no longer excited or making an effort, and you somehow feel you've been put in the booty call or friend zone.
Masculine men are not attracted to Masculine energy in women. Men don't like to be controlled, chased, pursued... Feminine energy--the real feminine energy, not the outer layer of performing to gain love, ---triggers intense attraction in men.
You are always loved, Gio