In my work, I often discover several core wounds that drive my clients to choose their partners- and if a wound is choosing- it usually leads to a lot of pain and heartbreak.
It is a completely natural thing to want to date a man that is a step up, that matches your standards, that you admire and really respect- and even solidifies your status in society-
And by status I mean, someone who has standing in a community, in a culture or society-a man that others respect- (which by the way is a primal need, as social standing leads to family and generational survival through the centuries.)
For some of my clients who fervently practice a faith- they want a man of God, chosen, respected and committed to his faith.
For some of my clients who really value financial success, they want a man who has achieved a measure of financial success.
For some of my clients who love a more minimalistic approach, they want a man who isn't tied to material things or knows how to succeed at living off of the grid.
I can give several very different examples of how a woman wants to marry a man that aligns to her standards of success....however this is very different to a woman who wants to marry a man she has on a pedestal-
A man she perceives will save her from her college self- the young woman who never got asked out on a date was rejected by college guys and unpopular, leaving a searing wound.
Or the man who will save the 5th-grade girl whom boys avoided and bullied, and internalized a deep-seated sense of shame, always seeking the cool factor she believes will redeem the inner rejectee.
Or the young girl who was rejected by her church for having sex in high school branded a loose woman and who now wants a man "chosen" by God so she can live vicariously through his "purity."
Or the man who has succeeded and is highly esteemed in his community, when you are feeling extremely isolated and lonely, like the "loser" who can't find a home or family to be accepted in.
And guess what? Very often when infatuation is present-there can also be this type of objectification and subconscious need to be saved by someone else's worth.
The best feeling in the world is when you identify and heal these core issues, and set yourself free to choose the truly right partner for you. Go ahead and marry someone you admire and look up to, just watch for putting him on a pedestal.
A good question to ask yourself is this: "What is the shame I think this will save me from?"
It could even be the shame of still being single and unmarried.
You are always loved,