I get this question all of the time- and where women get confused is in not knowing how to differentiate between 4 possibilities-
Is a man right for me?
Is a man wrong for me?
Does a man have feelings for me?
Is my timeline and a man's the same?
Today let's explore 4 things you need in place for exclusive commitment with a man....and even more so, for lifetime commitment...
The dating process up to exclusivity is the space you can use to observe and explore if these 4 things align and are in place.
I've stated before in my writings that a man can have feelings for you and not be ready for commitment, and therefore leave the relationship or only ever be in it with one foot in, one foot out, therefore not be the right man for you-
Feelings aren't enough...you need these below:
So to answer your question- here are 4 questions to ask yourself:
1. Do I respect and admire this man?
---> You can't trust a man whom you don't ultimately respect, and if you don't respect him you will always either be in masculine energy or you will be trying to change him.
So, do I like who he is in the world? Can I respect the man that he is, not the idea I may have of him? Is he someone you love just as he is, or are you secretly hoping to change anything about him? ex. I don't like how he dresses, in time I will change that. ex. I don't like the decisions he makes, I will try to make decisions for him that I like better.
2. Is this man pursuing me clearly and consistently? Is he consistently coming towards me or is he in and out?
--> Is he always looking for a way to spend time with me consistently, to become more and more a part of my life and world, to do things with me. When it comes to a masculine man, you should feel clarity in his pursuit of you, it should be clear- as if you'd eaten a solid, nourishing meal and you aren't left hungry and craving and pining for more. It should have you feeling like you know where you stand and you feel really confident about the relationship with him and where he stands in his feelings AND commitment to you.
3. Do I like how this man treats me?
--> How do I feel when I am with him AND How does he show up for me in terms of being there for me consistently, how does he show up for me?
You can feel amazing when you are with a man because of chemistry and passion, and then he walks out the door and its as if you are back to square one- insecure in where you stand, pining, obsessing and feeling alone. So ask yourself:
Do I feel chemistry and excitement and passion AND DO I feel peace, security, calm, do I feel accepted, loved, heard and seen, do I feel like he is all IN? Do I feel he is 100% there for me? How do I feel when we are together? How do I feel when we are not together? (Does it feel like he forgets you and energetically leaves when he isn't with you?)
Does he take care of me, provide for me, protect me and show his commitment in his actions towards me.
4. Do we share the same life vision and want the same things?
--> Does he want marriage, does he not want marriage.
--> Does he want kids, do I want kids? Does this align?
-->How does he handle finances and provision? Is it the same vision I have for us?
-->Do we have similar family values and character/integrity.