Don't regret it, just get bigger and better...

The best revenge is to diffuse the need to revenge and refocus all of your energy on having everything you desire and want.

Recently in conversations with clients things like these would come up:

But I gave him so much—and now I want to take it back.

But she benefited so much by being with me, I feel used.

And while we never bypass those emotions, we process them and learn to be with them—I want to offer you a thought. The core pain here is the feeling of being replaced and left behind. Of being used and then discarded… and the focus is off our own power of creation which is in you at all times.

At all times you can (after processing and being with your emotions) move your focus into creating for yourself… opening doors for yourself, getting bigger and better.

The best revenge is a well lived, extremely fulfilling life—full of self-forgiveness, lessons learned and achieved expansion, joy, love relationship and so much more...

This is the secret alchemy of transmuting fear into creation and power.

If you are afraid of being left behind—refocus and move forward at higher speeds with more powerful direction. Create for yourself without waiting for anyone to acknowledge.

Be happy you gave to them, be happy they benefited, and now give to yourself, create openings and expand. Healthy things grow and blossom.

You are never replaceable to your own soul and from your soul comes the power of life to create, care for you, and attract to you everything you desire.

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Don’t use threats to leave or end things, unless you are truly ready to walk away.

Ultimatums Don't Work

"He keeps talking to his exes and I've told him he better stop or else!"
"He hasn't called me in 2 days, when he does I am going to ignore his call and make him pay for it."
"He thinks he can get away with that? I am going to let him have it!"

Being harsh, forceful, aggressive, vengeful—will never work with a man (it doesn’t work on us either!). First of all it's forceful, it's trying to force him, which is masculine and disconnected. You can choose to accept or reject, stay or leave, but coming at him and telling him off is being his mother, not his muse and it just won't work— IT WILL BACKFIRE. This is a habit a lot of us women use to deal with our hurt and pain and to "GET" our way by controlling and forcing others. I get it, it's a habit we've learned in life to survive, but it’s not a habit that sustains partnership long term.

You can become a woman that is easy for a man to lose so much so he feels it and steps up his game. You do that by learning to value yourself, learning the art of attracting abundance in options of quality men (hint we teach you how) and the power of walking away from what isn't for you… however punishing him, reacting on him, passive aggressive behavior, threats and ultimatums do the opposite of what you want. You can address a situation with vulnerability and understanding and then choose to stay or leave.

Punishing a man will never work ladies, punitive behavior doesn’t inspire love. Feminine boundaries set through  inner strength coming from self esteem are the high value way to go.

Photo Credit: indiaearl.com

Photo Credit: indiaearl.com

If only someone threw us a “real bone” when it comes to learning how to actually do relationship. Relationship or the art of relating to each other is the prerequisite to succeeding at companionship, closeness, commitment, safety and excitement within intimate partnership.

How do you do intimacy?

How emotionally available are you really?

Can you respect your partner’s boundaries? Inspire respect yourself?

How do you communicate?

How do you show up whole instead of a “black hole” sucking out all the good inside your relationship?

We think feelings are all we need but we all know how quickly feelings change with unmet needs, objectification, boundary violation, misinterpretation and more.

Our brain loves to pine instead of grow. To long for instead of mature in Love. Fantasies of relationship or marriage feel good, but the real thing, done well, is so much better.

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