Author -- Giordana Toccaceli
A client of mine after one of our first sessions asked me, "Gio now that I see when this part of me comes out, how do I control it? How do I make sure it doesn't?
And I asked her how that question made her feel....free or imprisoned in performance?
She stopped to feel the emotions that that question brought up.
Of course, she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells.
One of her demons (her shadow) was overbearing and controlling of others in social situations.....She would show up to a place and try to be the center of attention.
And as we drilled it down we found out this was because at that moment- what she wanted most was attention.
She wanted to be the sole focus of attention.
And as we drilled it down further I helped her see that her intense need to overtake attention, talk over others and be in her overbearing, loud persona, always made others feel taken from, unseen, unheard.
And in life, we either understand healthy give and take, or we take from others constantly- which leads to a lot of the rejection we perceive around us.
And this has others pull away. There was no room for them.
You see my client had a habit of isolating- her life was work- and her safety was her room.....home, work and home.... isolating and emotionally eating and living from a hard protective persona-
This means her soul is in starvation.
Starved of real authentic connection, starving for attention because she has no life, starving for life itself.
So I asked her- "Can someone who is starving keep from hogging food at a buffet table?" "What will be your only focus and impulse if you haven't eaten for 3 weeks?"
Client: "Omg Gio, Food."
Gio: "Your only impulse will be consuming, taking, feeding- not connecting, creating space, and engaging."
Gio: "And can you keep yourself from not focusing on wanting all of the food, and not socially engaging with others at that moment?"
Client: "No Gio, I couldn't"
Your demons cannot be repressed, they cannot be shamed, they cannot BE CONTROLLED. They can only find peace through relationship and understanding. Otherwise, they are loud, destructive and out of control because that which is not taken care of- goes to chaos and destruction.
Order or entropy.
An ecosystem out of balance will try to regain balance by more violent means. If a need cannot be heard when it whispers, it will be heard when the shadow raises up to demand it.
Your demons are always unmet needs that have been neglected for a long time, either spiritual, mental, emotional or physical.
Your demons are not your enemies, self- neglect, a lack of self- love and poor relationship with you, with your soul, heart, and body, with your life and environment, is what causes them to raise up and take control. Your focus isn't on controlling them, it is on understanding what they need and moving quickly to fill those needs in your life- so you can experience homeostasis, a state of balance, stillness, and peace in your being.
Either you take control, or they will.