Author -- Giordana Toccaceli
There is no greater feeling in the world than when you fall head over heels in love with a man, a worthy, amazing man and he falls madly in love with you.
And for men it isn't any different. They are looking for that mind-blowing connection with an incredible woman who understands their heart and soul as men.
I just wrapped up working with Natalie and her story is amazing and I hope in this new year it encourages and inspires you deeply to go after your dream of love with everything you have.
The first time I spoke to Natalie, she broke down in heavy tears and told me how the love of her life (and her fiance) was no longer in love with her and had told her he wanted to call off their engagement.
They had agreed to wait it out a couple of months and then let friends and family know.
Natalie was in so much pain and desperation as she felt her whole world was crumbling, while the man she adored, no longer felt the same way and no longer wanted to marry her.
It didn't take me long in hearing Natalie's story to see what had happened and how distance had slowly come between herself and her man. See Natalie had never had the chance to learn how to bring a man close and really understand a man's heart. It was clear Natalie had been pushing him away for some time.
In our first session, we uncovered that Natalie had been carrying a deep self-rejection wound stemming from childhood that had pretty much colored her entire life and driven all of her romantic relationships.
She now was able to see how she was projecting this on to Tim and Tim was having to carry it.
See by the time Natalie reached out to me, it was clear that Tim had lost attraction for her and no longer felt emotionally safe with her.
This was because Natalie was unfortunately used to feeling powerful and connected primarily through her masculine energy, which meant that:
She would fall into the habit of telling him what to do (emasculating), projecting her intense emotions on to him (emasculating), undermining his emotions and his heart- without even realizing it.
When tough emotions would come up, she would project them on to Tim through drama, blame and comparison.
Natalie came to realize she would never allow herself to really grieve and be with her pain or emotions in general but would always revert back to wearing the pants and running the show.
See most women only know how to be either unapproachably masculine or unhealthily feminine (which shows up often as co-dependence and unhealthy needy intimacy). Both are inauthentic and kill desire and attraction and both stem from low self esteem and lack of understanding about men and relationships.
Now another complicating factor here was that Tim had begun an emotional relationship and bond with a female at his work. Natalie had picked up on it when Tim became less and less present with her, would spend hours on his phone talking or texting with someone and would end those conversations totally lit up, excited, and happy.
The relationship you have with yourself as a woman is the relationship you offer a man.
Now going back to the very first time I spoke with Natalie in our Discovery Session, she had told me in tears, "Gio I want to become a feminine Goddess, I want him to desire me intensely again."
I immediately began a 3 pronged approach with Natalie-
- We did deep inner work to help her heal from pain and trauma, so she could learn to be vulnerable and open hearted with her man.
- I coached Natalie into reconnecting with her feminine energy to create intense attraction with Tim again.
- I coached her step by step into how to relate to Tim from that point on, what to say, what not to say, what to do and how to respond to him to heal and turn this around quickly.
Session after session Natalie would show up and let deep tears flow, open herself to really understanding Tim and men in general, and learn how to connect to her deepest power as a Feminine woman.
I gave Natalie specific signs to look out for in Tim's behavior to know if he was responding or not and to really understand "manspeak" or how men respond when they begin to fall in love again, specifically a sign to look out for that meant Tim was bonding with her emotionally again.
This had to be a deep heart transformation, because being a Feminine Goddess can only come from the power of your own heart, your own self-love and your own insight into men.
Through sessions Natalie came to see how she had set the tone for the relationship she had, and for teaching Tim to treat her like a man and kill his desire for her as a woman, for example:
At the beginning, Tim would bring her flowers and a gift and Natalie, trying to be "considerate" of him, would tell him that he shouldn't have spent that money. She was being practical (masculine) and taking away Tim's desire for her as a woman.
Tim just wanted her heart, he wanted her feminine beauty, he wanted her as his woman.
Tim needed 2 things from Natalie, he needed to feel emotionally bonded to her again and he needed to desire her again but Natalie's low self value, controlling behavior and always trying to run his life were completely blocking that.
One of the biggest steps Natalie had to take was to realize this journey was really all about her, and that getting her life in order had to be her focus. She had to in a sense let go of Tim and surrender to her own process.
Natalie began deeply healing, connecting with her inner desire to actually be the woman in her relationship and to develop new high value boundaries with Tim.
In each session we would walk through everything that had happened that week, every time she had wanted to be dependent on him in a needy way, or blame and shout at him and we refocused.
Natalie began feeling more and more empowered, more sure of herself as well as more excited about her future, while also learning to relax into her feminine worth and energy.
As Natalie had more compassion on herself and took better care of herself- she was also able through sessions to really understand where Tim was at and have incredible compassion for him.....so Tim began picking up on that...
It started with Tim spending more time at home, and although he was still distant and uncommunicative, he began doing more around the house.
Meanwhile, Natalie and I worked on her vulnerability and open heartedness with Tim. Any time he would open a topic up, I taught Natalie how to speak from her heart and make room for his.
In the meantime Natalie began to experience more attention from men, like men at her work doing things for her, men at yoga asking her out on dates, men at her meditation center approaching her and complimenting her, for example one man in a bookstore came right up to her and said to her:
"I love your energy, please don't lose it. I meet so many women but your energy is amazing, just thought you should know."
Natalie then began focusing on her life and her desires and what SHE wanted to create for herself and completely leaned back when it came to ever telling Tim about how his life should go.
We also incorporated deep self-care into her week- she booked monthly massages, got into dance lessons and began to connect to other women and begin friendships with them (as having a strong circle of female friends is essential to your feminine energy.)
Then Natalie reported that Tim was a lot more chatty around her and seemed more relaxed. He also seemed very curious about her and what she was up to, and was initiating conversation more.
When Tim would initiate, Natalie would be fully present, tapping into his heart by sharing hers.
About 7 weeks into coaching Natalie had her first breakthrough with Tim. They went to a party together and Natalie genuinely was just wanting to have a great time, meet fun people and make the most of it...but Tim showed up in a different way than Natalie was used to.
Tim made sure every man Natalie spoke to that evening knew she was with him. Tim was being territorial and very much on his feet (great sign ladies.)
Then later that week, Tim asked Natalie something he had never asked her before, not since the beginning of their relationship, he asked her about their sexual life, asking,
"Am I satisfying you? DO you enjoy yourself? What do you like?"
Natalie was floored when she told me.
Then Tim came home from work 2 weeks later with a cute bracelet and casually gave it to Natalie. Natalie fully embraced him in her feminine energy by expressing her excitement and hugging him and holding him.
It had now been weeks since Natalie had exploded with her emotions, shown needy drama, been masculine and unexpressive around him.
And then it was one breakthrough after another, I will just share 2 more with you here:
Tim and Natalie went out to dinner with some friends and as they got ready to leave the house Natalie walked downstairs to find Tim looking up to her nervously and shyly and then asked her,
"Do you like how I look?"
After months of Tim wearing sweats around Natalie and not putting in much of any effort this was amazing...because there it was!
The sign we had been looking for.
Vulnerability and intense desire to please.
By this time I had taught Natalie to be very present to these signs so she stood there and admired him, and fully present and smiling, said "yes, you look so handsome."
She told me that if something like this would have ever happened before (Tim never said things like these as he is a typical, masculine guy) she would have told him something along the lines of:
"It doesn't matter Tim, you know I love you, you don't have to ask me those things."
She was ready this time though, and encouraged his desire and vulnerability.
So Tim began showing all the signs of a man reconnecting to a woman powerfully-
- He was protective (territorial and serving her more)
- He was providing (helping more, being more present, gifts)
- He was attentive (being curious about her wellbeing and feelings)
- He was vulnerable (asking her vulnerable questions)
Finally, after lunch a couple weekends later, Tim and Natalie were walking to the parking lot when Tim stopped and full of intensity grabbed Natalie's hand tenderly with both hands and said,
"It's all gone, all the bad feelings are gone. I want to marry you and be your husband forever."
When Natalie shared these things with me she looked so serene, peaceful and so, so happy. She was a confident, feminine Goddess.
You see beautiful, men can't help themselves but want to be extremely loyal and protective of a woman's feminine heart and vulnerability. It literally melts them.
Natalie, like so many of us, had learned to build up layers of fears and pain and unresolved feelings about herself and just push through (masculine) instead of going back into her heart and giving her heart the space that it needed to guide her.
So in sessions we made so much space for her to learn to live from her heart again.
And once Natalie learned to relate to him and communicate from her heart (feminine energy at its most powerful) she was able to begin SEEing Tim's heart for the first time since they'd known each other.
What followed is amazing....and I want you to take this with you, to let it fill your own beautiful heart and to understand that when you learn to love yourself truly, you learn to love others.