My romantic partners would often say this to me. You see, as a career woman: author, international lecturer, fitness TV personality and entrepreneur my energy can sometimes come across as masculine. The awareness that I have developed through Gio's wisdom has allowed me to connect some powerful dots and understand that I was coming to men as the leader and the initiator. In other words I was relating to men through my masculine energy making it difficult for me to "sit back". It wasn't until I began studying Gio's work that I began realizing that I was becoming very disconnected from my feminine energy and my needs as a woman. Like many women today, I had bought into the mainstream idea that modern women don't need a man. What's fascinating and contradictory is that when it came to my relationships, a part of me showed up in my male "independent" energy, while the other part of me showed up as a "Damsel in distress". Talk about sending mixed messages. I guess there was a part of me that wanted to be protected, but because it conflicted with my idea of what a "modern woman" was, I shamed and dismissed it. The more I am in my Feminine Energy, as Gio teaches, the more my husband has responded by massively stepping up as my protector, wanting to be my provider, taking amazing care of me, listening to me, wanting to do anything he can to make our relationship great! The more feminine I am, the more he wants to protect me. Allowing myself to receive his masculine energy has relaxed me and made me feel safe. It has also confirmed that it is OK to want that masculine energy and that I don't have to feel guilty about it. Gio's work has also reminded me the importance of dropping from my head into my heart and to be playful, affectionate, receptive and sensual with my husband. Gio's teachings are life transformative and incredible for any woman who wants to heal her heart, learn to balance her feminine and masculine energy and improve and transform her love life, marriage and relationships with men!
Doing Marital coaching with a couple married over 15 years, and I had a conversation in session with the husband…
His wife has a habit of being highly controlling and micromanaging. She is always trying to "fix" him. His daughter unstable and disrespectful.
He has been...
An Addict. He is now a sober addict.
Started drinking at age 11. I took him on a journey straight back into the heart of that little boy.
The loneliness as he was becoming a man without a father to guide him into manhood.
The first time he had a drink and every fear and insecurity evaporated—as he felt like superman. He felt capable. He felt undefeatable. He finds his masculinity in beer.
The moment in session where I lead him to express gratitude to alcohol instead of shame and judgement—in releasing alcohol he releases the part of himself that has been locked in a prison of self-hatred for becoming an addict.
Then sober—his new addiction—hiding.
I flip it and ask, "Picture your wife as the one who is hiding—as the one telling half truths… she is there, next to you—but her heart is far from you- how do you feel?"
"Oh man, wow.......terribly lonely, betrayed, afraid."
Gio: "Then what happens? What do you feel instinctively you want to do?"
Him: "Fix, control, micromanage."
Then I had him feel into his daughter who just turned 12, the mirror to his own 11 year old…
Gio: "How does your daughter feel around her daddy when he hides?"
Him: "Tears. Alone."
Gio: "Isn't that how you felt when you first had your first drink?"
I show him how the shame that drove him to addiction is the same shame that drives him to condemn his addiction, is the same shame he projects on his wife when he hides from her, is the same shame he projects on to his daughter (who just wants to adore her daddy and feel safe with him) when he fights with his daughter.
Wish I could record this session and teach it as a master marriage counseling class- it was packed with truth after truth of what it means to love yourself and family.
You are always loved,
I was talking to one of my best girlfriends, a very successful and brilliant woman who loves what we teach and has her own sharp insights after working around men, in a male dominated industry for a long time. We were talking about how often men propositioned women in the business world for fleeting trysts that never meant anything and how she would always see the same recurring theme. A man would come into town, take a woman out, wine and dine her and then disappear.
The woman would spend a couple of dates in and sleep with him and think she had fallen in love. For men the fantasy is in the moment, for women the fantasy would begin the moment the man left. Both projecting on to each other their fantasies, and not reality. It would go like this: Man takes woman out on date, tells her he's never met anybody like her, lavishes wining and dining, they have a great weekend and then come Monday it's back to reality for him, and for her it's the start of her fantasy....
"Is he the one?"
"I am in love!"
"I've never met anyone like him."
It's "deal" sex, as my friend from Wallstreet put it. Now you can be tempted to think men are wrong for doing this—but they aren't any more wrong or right, than women pining, obsessing and fantasizing afterwards.... They are the two sides of the same coin—projection of fantasies instead of reality. He throws caution to the wind in front of a beautiful face, she throws caution to the wind by filling in the gap of whatever isn't there when he is gone. Whatever isn't there: Consistent pursuit, actually knowing the guy, courtship, etc.
This is SO dangerous ladies! This is why pacing in dating is vital and crucial! This is why a High Value Woman does not early attach! She knows how to keep herself grounded, high value, confident, receiving—and date her way into the best romantic decision of her life-w here her well-being is her top priority. A High Value Woman learns to make the best choices for herself—and isn't lead by instant gratification....
So repeat after me:
"It's a man's high value, invested consistent actions (not words) towards me over a period of time that determine whether I will commit to him."
Pacing is your best friend—instead of deal sex as my friend so eloquently described all of this in our conversation today. Get REAL DEAL Relationships... love you!
You are always loved,
Client: "I have a pattern of ending relationships and burning bridges."
Gio: "ok...so is this romantic relationships only? Or any and all relationships?"
Client: "Any Gio, I'm worried. You talk so much against isolating ourselves and I feel I just don't have relationships in my life I can count on to stay. I"ve never figured this out, I've gone to therapy for years and nothing works. Why do I keep doing this?
Gio: "Out of curiosity what have you been told?"
Client: " No-one has really figured it out. The words serial monogamist and anxious attachment have been thrown around, but I still don't know what the core of it is."
Gio: "So you jump into friendships and relationships, they are very intense and then they burn out, correct?"
Gio: "Alright... well what is it that you are afraid of when in the relationships?"
Client is silent. You can immediately see fear when trying to answer the question.
Gio: "It's ok....take your time, you are safe here."
Client: "I don't know (tears)......I'm afraid...."
Gio: "Let me guess....they will get to know the real you, and or you will let the real you out, and the real you can be explosive, or needy?"
Client: "yes, yes!!! All of that!"
Gio: "ok, how does it feel to be afraid of that? Can you describe how it lands on your body? How it impacts it?
Client: "ugh, I feel this lump on my chest, I feel numb (swallows hard).....I feel a hole inside.....I don't trust anyone. I feel like none's love and loyalty is really real. I feel like everyone is going to leave...."
Client starts to really cry.
Gio: "When you were small, could you say "no"? What would happen when you would say "no"? As I ask this question what is the first image that comes to your mind."
Client: "wow yeah...ummm....no, I couldn't say no.No, I could never say no. The first image that comes to mind was asking my mother not to do something and when I did...." she hesitates....
Gio: "You were punished.....right?"
Client starts breathing heavily, more tears.
Gio: "Like really punished....... right? Was this your mother or father or both?"
Client: Thinking, hesitant. Feels guilty. "Yes...it was my mother."
Gio: "What feelings come up now?"
Client: "Anger, lots of anger, I can feel my stomach turning. I feel like screaming."
Gio: "Was your father more passive? Like she had everyone controlled?"
Gio: "right, that's going to then ripple into your romantic relationships, what do you feel about your dad being more passive around this?"
Client: "Ugh so much anger Gio, almost like rage."
Gio: "right, so let me summarize this.... you grew up in an environment where you were not allowed to have boundaries and a primary parent violated them frequently. When you would speak up, you were punished. The primary masculine (your father) was passive so you didn't learn healthy assertiveness. You couldn't escape, you felt trapped, controlled and not allowed to be who you really were. You couldn't be loved for who you are because we don't have boundaries, we ARE our boundaries, if they aren't seen and loved, we don't feel loved. So you had to find a way to fight back. Dependence on a relationship, needing someone here would feel very threatening.
Did you ever finally set a boundary with your mother as an adult or were you more passive? It seems to me like you did."
Client: "yes.......I....finally had enough one day and lost it...." Pauses, ashamed to admit the next piece.
Gio: "And when you lost it, did you keep losing it afterwards in other relationships?"
Client: "Yes, all of the time."
Gio: "Right because in your subconscious experience, the moment you set a boundary, show the "real you" the relationship is already over. You anticipate you won't be accepted, you anticipate the other person will be aggressive or passive aggressive, dishonest or manipulative. So you anticipate the rejection and possible negative outcome by leaving first. Since you are aggressive in the way you do it, the other person probably gets defensive and goes into their coping/shadow mechanisms and you feel it is a self-fulfilled prohpecy. See you cutting off the friendship or relationship would have been the only time you felt really powerful again. You see this pattern is all about the way you created to get your power back....it is your NO."
The pattern is your NO.
After growing up in a relationship with a primary parent that took your power away..... and isn't that what you do in your relationships........you seek out the closeness and intimacy you feel desperate to have, to be known as you.......that you didn't have with your parents.....and then if they step over the line in any way you........"
The silence is deafening as it begins to fall into place.
Gio: "You cut off.........and leave. It's your way of subconsciously saying, "You aren't going to do this to me." This being anything abusive, controlling, dishonest, etc. The problem is humans are imperfect and while you want to be in relationship and friendship with healthy ones, at one point or another something will come up. That's how you are setting boundaries and this is why the patterns keeps coming up, that is how you are being assertive, that is how you are raging at your mother. There is more to it than this, other pieces, but for today, let's work on this one."
Client: "That....that's it! OMG Gio! That's it! I feel it in my core. I feel so much relief."
Gio: "So how about we work on setting boundaries a different way?"
MASCULINE, Quality men want freedom most of all, and they will give their love, devotion and lifetime commitment to the HVW woman that gives them freedom
There are many ways a woman in her Feminine gives men the experience of freedom- one of the main ones is emotional freedom, which I teach in depth at our Embodied Feminine Woman institute-
today though let's talk about another freedom a Man is inspired to give a woman, and a woman that gives it to him is magnetic to him--->
The Freedom To Choose Her
Freedom to a man is the highest experience for himself as a man, soul and human being- and that means making his own grown up, MAN, empowered decisions.
He is making decisions for himself without outside influence, coercion, pressure. He chooses what is right for him. That is why you will SO often see men refer to marrying their wife they love as...
"The best decision of their lives."
Obama said it like this, "Marrying Michelle was the best decision of my life."
If you take a decision away from a man by being the emotional pursuer, taking on masculine energy and chasing him, trying to force him or coerce him into a relationship, always performing or trying to convince him you are the one, stalking, pining and obsessing......
It is a form of emasculation for a man, one he will resent, lose attraction for and pull away-and he will definitely feel it that way (emasculated.)
This is why Feminine energy = Freedom to a man.
Freedom to be himself, that includes being a MAN, and operating differently than we do. He wants to decide for himself when the relationship progresses, and then offer it up to a HVW woman and she accepts his offer or rejects. He wants to make a good decision. The less personally you take rubber banding, his own timeline for commitment- the more you trust, the more free he feels....
And of course you can at ANY TIME accept or reject and move on to someone else. But putting all of your energy and pressure on to him to move the relationship forward will always backfire with a a masculine man or be very short lived. When a man makes a choice to commit to a woman as entirely his, not pressured but through attraction and connection to her, that choice is very solid for him. He didn't do it for anyone else, he did it because he wanted to, freely.
Leaning back is about honoring your desire as a woman to be chosen by the right man, and then you deciding if you want to choose him back. But knowing he is fully there, 2 feet in, because he wants nothing else.
Remember that men subconsciously see red flags in a woman forcing a relationship forward as being the wife that then emasculates, controls and "whips" her husband in the long run.
Men aren't afraid of commitment, they are afraid of being trapped. Let him come to YOU, as the masculine man pursuing, courting and winning your heart, worthy of you based on his consistent actions your life...and then you choose what you want.
You are always loved,
When a guy has been really unhappy in a relationship or marriage- and he ends it through breaking up or getting a divorce, pulling away, becoming distant etc......- the primary thing he feels is relief.....
He was just freed from a prison- because to a man very unhappy in a relationship it feels like a prison- men aren't afraid of commitment, they are afraid of entrapment-
And the thing is- the way we often do relationships and marriages as women are highly controlling on men-
Typical behaviors like being overly clingy, needy, self absorbed, flying off the handle, having reactive moods, demanding more and more than he can even give, not making sure his needs are also met by competing with his work, friends, family or social life....etc...
It happens A LOT. I know because I see it all of the time.
Men have work to do, and so do we as women- so we can both become healthier partners.....
Today I am addressing this issue.....
When a man breaks up with a woman, and she wants him back, if the love was real there is a strong possibility she might get him back if she follows the high value woman way----->however if she does ANY of the following she is almost guaranteed to lose him......
- After the breakup, she blows up his phone and email trying to think of any way to create communication (the number one thing he is wanting is his freedom back, his freedom from being forced, cajoled, pressured, made to carry emotional out of control emotions, absorbed and drained- give him space and lean back)......
-Disagree with his reasons for breaking up. The more a woman disagrees, the more invalidated and unseen a man will feel and be reaffirmed in his decision to ends things.... just agree, acept where he is at, set him free.
"yes things weren't great between us, how did they affect you?" Instead of "yes things weren't great between us, but how dare you just leave without trying?" (invalidating) OR "Things weren't that bad, I don't understand why you make such a big deal of things like me not giving you space."
-Seek out common spots where he goes like his gym, his work friends, his space and begin to encroach on them (controlling, invasive, entrapping).
-Get his family involved by calling them to tell them about what happened or telling his friends (encroaching on his face, entrapping him).
-Trying to stay on his radar by stalking his social media and crafting an image on yours that is sending him messages.
-Changing yourself into what you think he wants (women do this one all the time and it backfires and repels attraction)= changing dress, hair, social life, spirituality, or presenting a performance on social media or anything that may indicate anything but a geniune expression of who you are.
-Losing self control and going on an out of control party and hookup binge (to numb the pain but also to be a damsel in distress in need of rescue, or to try to make him jealous -won't work if he ended the relationship because he was done with games, unhappiness and drama- in fact you will be the farthest thing from his mind at this time- and by you I mean your shadow- the part of you that only knows love through manipulation, entrapment and obligation (don't worry, we all have it and I teach about this in depth at the Embodied Feminine Woman Institute.)
and ofcourse NUMBER ONE------>
Not doing the work to become a a high value woman, feminine energied and a healthy partner which was the root of the problem to begin with..... a woman that can sustain a relationship at a high level emotionally- recognizing and healing dysfunctional patterns of relationship entrapment that created an environment of unhappiness for him in which he wanted to leave and not return- communication, space, etc etc.
If you want to know what actually TO DO that works like magic to pull a man back, comment I'm interested below and I may create a standalone product to answer all of your questions in depth- on how to be adored like the queen you are and become so magnetic he comes back toy claim you forever.
What is leaning back? We have a whole master class series on this- just a few snippets below- so much more--->
Leaning back is about choosing love that chooses you, choosing love from the healthy self (not the wounded self), doing relationship in a healthy, organically paced way, not unhealthy and out of fear and scarcity.
It is about staying connected to your highest worth and self-esteem and allowing self-respect/respect to lead the way for both involved. It is about real love and real relationships, and not fantasies, projections and infatuation.
It is about being absolutely yourself in total freedom, letting him be himself in total freedom and both of you choosing to fully own your responsibility towards yourself and the relationship.
It is about choosing the best companion and partner for your life as you become the best companion and partner you can be.
"What are some of the ways, actions/non actions, communication, vocabulary, ways of being that men are, feel, read, experience as a Wounded Little Girl opposed to a High Value Woman?"
A member of our EFW institute asked this question and one of our amazing, up and coming moderators nailed the answer-----> Way to go Nada!
"Hi beautiful! I think that the wounded girl within can also manifest as doormatism; the confidence destroying combination of poor boundaries and self neglect. This is where a woman prioritises a man’s needs and preferences above her own the majority of the time and then toggles between harsh expectations (which is really just her ego coming out to protect her) and low value boundaries.
Here are some concrete examples of how a a woman’s wounded girl can end up running the show:
🌟She has no regard for her own interests or schedule; she is flakey with all of her other commitments (family, friends, work or her own hobbies) in order to accomodate him. Then she gets reactive when he says no to her or chooses an activity or commitment that doesn’t include her. She has no one and nothing to go to when he’s not around.
🌟When she senses his attention is off her or that he’s pulling away, she responds by giving more or trying harder, offering him dinner or sex or probing him with questions like “Is everything ok? Have I done something to upset you?”
🌟No matter how much time he spends with her, she lingers around and always leaves it up fo him to decide when the closeness is too much.
🌟She allows her fears and insecurities to rule her, spending hours comparing herself to his ex girlfriends or monitoring his social media activity.
🌟She performs. She’s too afraid to speak her mind or she laughs to fill silences or when he hasn’t even said anything funny.
🌟"She gives and gives and then tries to negotiate what she believes she’s owed in retrospect.
These are just some concrete examples off the top of my head!"
These tests are designed to do a number of things that ultimately boil down to the one thing- "Am I Safe?"
A woman can have different types of tests: some are just testing the waters:
*Can I be playful with this man?
*Does he have a sense of humor?
*Can he accept all of my sexual sides?
*Can I tease him and have him play instead of get insecure?
(If I throw him off of his game or say something sharp at him- will he react (feminine energy) or be solid (set a boundary, let it bounce off)
-->Does he react? Or set boundaries?
-->Does he run? Or stand firm?
-->Does he have resolve and mettle? Or is easily taken down with any word, feeling or argument?
-->Does he lead us? Or do I walk all over him?
Women test men and use it as foreplay:
A woman and a man are arguing... she says, "It's over!" and storms out of the room.
---->TEST: She wants the man to come after her, pursue her and say, "It's not over!"
What is she doing?
Does he really want me?
Does he really love me?
Does he have resolve?
Does he have mettle?
She wants to be pursued. Claimed. Led. Chosen.
She is testing him for:
His resolve: His ability to see her in this state and not be overwhelmed by emotion- not make an emotional decisions (masculine energy.) If he gets reactive she perceives that whether she knows it or not as feminine energy.
His mettle: Does he run when things get difficult, or does he stand, solid, firm,(phatic-like) in the face of a storm? (Again is he the masculine energy here.)
...and ofcourse... his love.
Women do this so often that we teach them a better way- a way that isn't dramatic or confrontational to know if a man is the right man for her.
A small test here or there every now and then (rare) is ok, and can actually add some spice and foreplay (we all know about make-up sex).....
Constant tests however wil easily break down relationships, not matter how much resolve or mettle a man has.
-----especially with the advent of women learning about relationship from dramatic tv series and movies.
As a man if this happens, feel free to call a woman out on it-
"Hey, I know what you are doing. You are testing me for XYZ. It would be a lot sexier if you just trusted me and told me what you need vulnerably. I can handle your vulnerability, I am not going anywhere."
Watch intimacy and passion flourish.
Here's what to do and what not to do--->
One of our lovely EFW members asked this questions and it lead me to remember these 3 amazing stories today-
1. One was a single woman in her early fifties who had never in her entire life been in a relationship with a man she was deeply in love with- let's call her Linda.
2. Another a recent wife, let call her Rebecca.
3. Another brand new into a committed relationship, let's call her Gina.
And the time came when the man they loved was going away for a trip-and they began experiencing abandonment triggers and all sorts of things we women can easily feel when the one we are bonding with is temporarily separating-
1. Linda came to work with me single- in her early fifties, had never once been married or in a serious relationship with a high value man. Amazing at her career, the years had slipped and poor patterns with men kept her not attracting the type of man she deserved. fast forward to around 7 months later and she has now been dating a dream man we helped her attract for around 3 months. He then tells her he is going away to visit his sister for the weekend in another city.
Linda's separation anxiety kicks in- she wants to say, "Can I go with you?" Her trigger is she is wondering why he isn't including her by now.
The high value move: "Ofcourse Honey have fun! I'm going to miss you! Tell me all about when you get back!"
RESULT: She implemented this coaching, and not 3 months later he took her to meet his sister, where she mentioned she was the first woman he had brought home to them. Now they are extremely happy together.
2. Rebecca- newly married and at grips and constant fights with her man. They are so at odds he falls down on the bed next to her one evening and says, maybe we should get a divorce, .....this isn't how I thought things would be.
(this is when her rock bottom hits, she realizes she can't figure this out on her own and she comes to us for help).
This is a high quality man that gives her absolutely everything she wants, her dream wedding, dream home- and yet Rebecca is in the grip of her own inner demons- which we do inner work on.
Her husband takes a 10 day fishing boys trip each year with his father and 2 brothers, What not to do: Before coaching with me she has been giving him hell about this, standing in the way, demanding he check in every morning. She is trying all her wiles to get him to in her words, "choose her" over the trip and not "leave her for so long."
The high value move: Be his support and get excited for the time he deeply needs with his father and brothers, this once a year ritual keep them strong, healthy, bonded to each other, recharges his masculine and helps him be a better man. Wish him the best, give him space, not make any demands around communication, give him full space around this, trust him and focus on her own time.
RESULT: He returns reenergized, excited and more in love with her than ever- buys her a big bouquet of roses, takes her out, makes love to her and on and on.
3. Gina is brand new into her relationship when her quality man which she met with our help goes off on a business trip.
What not to do: Get clingy and needy in the days leading up to the trip, pout, look deflated, mope around, complain about missing him.
The high value response: Understand that this is highly important to him, it is his livelihood. Get out of his way, support him in every way and enjoy the time you do have. Relax and see him again when he gets back.
RESULT: He comes back and plans a getaway weekend just for the two of them and starts talking dreamily of their future together (begins deepening his commitment.)
High Value Vulnerable way to share it with him:
"Babe I am so happy you have this time to spend on things that you need to focus on (or spend much needed time with your dad and brothers- (intimacy producing question)-> What is it that you love so much about this time with them? I feel so many things, excited for you, I want to support you, it makes me happy when you are happy and I feel sad only because I realize how amazing you are and how much you give each time we are together and I will miss you. This makes me appreciate you more and can't wait to see you when you get back!"
These are the moments when we can think of his wellbeing and be a support to that. If he is leaving for work? Be a strong support system for that- after all you may benefit from his hard work in the future. If he is leaving for personal reasons, this is his time to recharge so he can give to you more. My recommendation is make a quick shift here- and instead of focusing on you, focus on his wellbeing. If he is a quality man he supports you and want to support you, this is the way to return the support.
Now you know~you are always loved,
Part of the importance of the courtship process between couples and why women (who want to be the feminine predominant energy in the relationship - or be the woman) is that women need to be very clear as to why they should not step into masculine energy in the courtship process (text him, chase him, stalk him on social media, obsess about him, commit to him before he has stepped up to claim her)... is because this process tells you how strong a man's masculine energy is. A FEMININE WOMAN ABSOLUTELY NEEDS STRONG MASCULINE ENERGY TO BE FULLY SELF EXPRESSED....
Masculine energy is all about breaking free from constraints, overcoming, closing the deal, protecting, providing.... All absolutely necessary components for a woman to experience from a man so she feels safe and flourishes in her femininity.
When a feminine woman is allowed to be feminine, her level of desire (sexual and otherwise) increases dramatically for the man she is with. This is because she is allowing herself to be a cherished, protected, woman who can relax, feel safe, and trust her man.
So in the courtship process a man shows his masculinity through paying for meals (I am a strong provider, if you bear children and become vulnerable, I will protect you ). A man shows his masculinity by hunting more efficiently than other men (as the initiator, strategist in conquering her heart, the LEADER) that beats out other opponents (showing that you can protect and provide should a threat to your family's safety appear.) If he plans the dates and has plans for his life-- he is a man with direction and deep purpose, which makes him stable and capable of deeply loving you as the woman. A man wandering aimlessly to find his purpose is often not yet ready for long term commitment.
This happens in nature as well....let's talk physiology: you have the egg in the woman's womb ready to be claimed and impregnated by the sperm than beats out all the others. Almost every female client of mine that comes to me DEEPLY LONGS for STRONG masculine energy in a man. It is something so primal, so ingrained into her DNA. And yet, they first share it with me in hushed, shameful tones, because society nowadays wants to erase this from our desire, and yet there it remains.
If a woman is out on a date, whether they are aware of this or not, they are seriously gagging a man's masculinity.
Whenever women feel unsafe and unprotected by masculine energy around them, nature has it that they adapt and take on masculinity... But this can often mean then that men experience women who are hardened, masculine, nagging, controlling to death, cold, stiff, and in competition with them to see who is the "real man" versus in devotion and in an efficient relationship. It may not show up at first, but it eventually does over the course of the relationship.
Polarity disappears and with it-- very often attraction, connection, and desire.
The women that come to me are so often deeply disconnected from their feminine energy and have learned to "wear the pants", emasculate men with nagging and controlling, and no longer feel safe to be their deeply feminine, radiant, devoted selves as feminine women.... They harden instead of softening.
Feminine energy is ALL about vulnerability to create deep connection and attraction for you as a man. If a woman doesn't feel safe, her feminine energy takes a back seat to survival and protecting herself.
Women do want you to be their masculine hero.
So the question here always remains... What kind of relationship do you want?
If you are a woman and you innately want to experience a man as being "the man", or if you are a man and you want a soft, feminine, surrendered woman?
There are many, many ways of expressing relationships, (and this addresses one way only, as it is the niche I work in)... and none truer than any other. It is up to you to decide what you want to experience in yours.
You are always loved,
There is nothing like connecting deeply with a man you absolutely love and feeling confident and secure in that connection.
Nothing will draw a man closer to you, inspire him to be your hero and deepen the passion and attraction in a relationship than the way you communicate with him.
Men are driven wild by women who know how to use their emotional world, heart and communication to speak directly to his heart and soul as a man, while she comes from her grounded, healthy emotional world and juicy, feeling feminine energy.
If you have struggled with alternating between shutting down, holding things inside in order not to lose him or rock the boat or losing control and painfully regretting saying things in ways that push men away. If you struggle with creating the sort of intimacy with men that creates effortless and powerful emotional attraction with him, this class is for you. If you want to be authentic and true to. yourself, heard and seen yet express yourself in a way that will magnetize quality men- this class is for you.
Men love your emotions, it is THE thing that attracts them to you like bees to honey and mesmerizes them. They are deeply drawn to your healthy vulnerability......
what men don't like is emotions leveled at them, used against them, used in ways that invalidate their own feelings.......
This class will hand you an incredible key to love and relationship success, if you'd like to learn more, comment below with "I'm in."
You are always loved,
Let's clear a few misconceptions on this-
Sex is a gateway to love for men- absolutely...
But it works like this-
1. If he has feelings for a woman who is showing up High Value And Feminine- sex will deepen his "in love feelings for her all the way."
2. If he doesn't have feelings for a woman- Sex will be a physical act and release, with zero feelings-
Think one night stand
3. If he has feelings for a woman but she shows up low value and masculine pursuing- sex will reflect his lack of attraction and go back to being an act and a release.
Ex. She gets clingy, needy and attached
She gets too invested early on and puts all her hopes on him.
She shows up with low worth.
They have sex and afterward she has a spiral of low worth and shame, men call it "After we had sex, she changed, her personality changed.
4. He won't develop feelings for a woman who is objectifying herself with an agenda-
meaning she is trying so hard to "get him" she has sex with him as a way to hook him in because her low worth tells her she isn't worthy of a man's true love and devotion.
But let's be clear- when a man has in love feelings for a woman, sex is a powerful top gateway for men to feel loved, seen and to deepen in love with her.
In the same way, you can kiss a man just for a kiss and not have feelings- or kiss a man you really like and develop strong feelings for him- sex is a mirror showing the state of the relationship- is it deepening or ending? Did it begin or never start?
So will sex make a man fall in love with you? Not if his feelings aren't there. If his feelings are there will sex deepen your connection powerfully? Yes.
For men culturally and socially deprived of gateways to intimacy (think we are allowed to talk about our feelings, cry, hug each other as women, have touch and affection regularly) sex is one of the only socially approved gateways for men to have bodily touch, affection and intimacy- and it is very important to most men when in relationship with a woman.
You are always loved,
1. Get Really Clear On How You Want To Feel With A Man
-How do you want him to treat you? Support you? Talk to you? Be a long-term partner to you? What does that look like?
If you don't have clear standards (and are working on your self-worth) you will compromise and then resent him.
Getting clarity on how you want to feel centers you on YOURSELF- meaning on receiving from a man (Feminine) vs on losing yourself into the thinking of what you have to give him or be for HIM, so he love you. I have a great meditation and visualization coming out for this soon.
2. Invest Time Learning How Men Want To Feel Around a Woman, (Around You)
-The savvier you become at Understanding Men and how to deliver on their heart's, soul's and body's needs, well the higher value you become (because you add more value) AND because we all want to be understood!
Scratch that, we all NEED to be understood.
The better you are at understanding your man the more you will receive everything you desire from him.
3. Get Your Numbers Up:
The way to kill over attachment to a "less than good guy" is to address scarcity!
How many men are you meeting a month? Where are you meeting them? Are they quality? Are they the type of men that you'd want to date? marry?
-If the answer is 1-3......add 6 months to a year on you finding a relationship (or even longer). If the answer is 10-15 you are in a better range. Higher even better, and faster results....
We are after results aren't we? No shyness here ladies, go after what you want. Be smart about this, stay in your Feminine Radiance and worth and attract the love you are craving in your heart.
How to create intense attraction with men by allowing natural consequences to take root.
Let's talk about the importance of consequences-
Especially in your relationships with men.
Now consequences are not punishment. Consequences are NOT punitive behavior. Consequences are not ATTACK, or games or manipulation or gaslighting or flying off the handle.
Consequences are the natural "consequence" of an action or lack of action.
Without natural consequences, a man will become more and more self-asborbed in the relationship, self centered and it will bring out narcissistic behavior in him much like parents who spoil a child, and spoil a child, prevent him from all responsibility and consequences create a n environment that leads to self absorbed and narcissistic behavior in the child.
So let's look at examples:
A man treats a woman like a booty call, uses her for sex.
-> Natural consequences would be: She loses interest and opens herself up to higher quality men. (High Value)
-> Punitive behavior: She lashes out and gives him ultimatums.
-> Low value behavior: She lashes out, gives him ultimatums, but goes right back to accepting crumbs and his stepping all over her boundaries with no respect towards her worth.
Result: He loses attraction for her, values her less and less, uses her, loses respect for her and waits to find a High Vale Woman he can really fall head over heels in love with and commit with all of his devotion. She thinks she is keeping him, when she is just being used and is already losing him. Short term gratification- long term pain.
Think of consequences as the natural actions that happen -action- reaction. Think of punitive behavior as more "words and talking" with no action or substance backing them.
A man cheats on his girlfriend and lies repeatedly----
Consequences: She lets herself feel her emotions, processes them, has a conversation with him, listens to understand, sets her boundaries and walks away from the relationship (either for a period of time like 6 months, or indefinitely). In the mean time she focuses on herself while he either spends a lot of time earning trust with her back before ever getting back into relationship with a LOT of investment). When she sees him she is open, mature, listening, expressing her raw pain and real emotions, but does not get in the way of the responsibility he needs to carry and the work he needs to do. (clear action and meaningful, substance driven words).
-> Punitive behavior: She calls him horrible insults, bashes him, tries to undermine him at his job, weaponizes her pain. (words no action)
-> Low value behavior: Punitive behavior + doormat---
------boundary less, she goes right back to taking him back, allowing him to understand that in this relationship her desperation allows him to get away with anything because her fear of being alone, her commitment to her scarcity beliefs and her unworthiness don't allow her to walk away. (no boundaries, no self-respect).
Results: He begins to fall out of love with her, loses attraction, checks out emotionally, makes himself the center of the relationship- as she gives and gives to him (becomes the primary giver and bends over backwards for him). She does all the work in the relationship- he checks out other women, is attracted to other high value women to whom he gives his best to. He leaves relationship.
Another example: A man is dating a woman but he hasn't committed yet.
-> Consequences: She mirrors his commitment, but doesn't cling or wait on him, she owns her life and sets herself up to win= she opens up options and chooses the best for herself. She takes care of herself. When she is with him, they have the best time together, when she isn't, she is creating her best life.
-> Punitive behavior: Stalking his social media, getting resentful, suspicious, angry, clingy, desperate, losing self esteem and acting out of lack of self-respect (punitive towards herself).
->Low value behavior: Gives him an ultimatum which she doesn't mean (she isn't really ready to walk away), but then goes right back to accepting behavior she doesn't feel comfortable with and takes NO action on her behalf.
Humans NEED consequences, these are what teach us fundamentally about relationship.
No consequences mean we don't SEE the person we are in relationship with. We know an oven is an oven because it burns when touched with raw fingers- so we don't do it. We know how to value things we can lose if we don't care for.
Consequences teach us to no longer be self-absorbed and to see the impact we have on the world around us. We show up with low value- the world rejects that. We show up with value to offer, the world embraces that.
Consequences are the universal regulation system that keeps all eco systems in healthy relationship to each other. It applies to every living thing.
Consequences force us to grow up and BECOME what we are meant to be.
--> A man needs consequences to truly respect (and therefore fall in love passionately) with a woman.
Remember consequences ARE NOT PUNISHMENT. We aren't a man's mother. Consequences are the natural reaction to a positive or negative action-
Losing interest when we aren't given high value investment from a man, with no punitive behavior and gently moving on to take care of ourselves and staying open minded to understand what created the situation in the first place, and if we played any part (femininity = open mindedness to understand and learn.)
If a man is low investment, don't punish him, rather tune in to the natural consequence there connected to your highest self-esteem- own your life, and open yourself up to better. This will cause him to step up with more, there IS NOTHING THAT WILL WAKE HIM UP MORE POWERFULLY TO YOUR VALUW, WORTH AND MAGNETISM.
---AND IT WILL ALSO CAUSE better men to step in.
And finally, think of it this way:
-> Consequences: "What do I need to do right now for my wellbeing?"
-> Punishment: "How do I make him pay?" Or "Make him...anything....?"
->LV Behavior: "What do I do so I don't lose him no matter how he treats me?"
Punitive behavior always KILLS HIS LOVE AND RESPECT
FOR YOU IN THE LONG RUN and LV BEHAVIOR ALWAYS KILLS ATTRACTION AND PASSION.... They may seem falsely to work in the short run- but the boomerang effect is they work to kill the relationship.
High Value behavior always increases irresistibility, LOVE, passion, attraction, magnetism and more.
And as you may have noticed, a woman that walks away, prioritizes her well begin, stays open to learn and essentially abides by consequences IS the woman with the highest self worth- therefore she is of High Value= attraction generator.
Want a man to see you as HIGH VALUE and cherish you every step of the way= be a woman who walks away- and prioritizes herself- and watch him feel magnetized and fall ever more deeply in love.
You are always loved,
Being a High Value Woman-
I get asked all the time how you can keep a man interested for the long term- and while I have taught many classes on this at the Embodied Feminine Woman Institute (you should join, don't miss out!) - one foundational one is this one- and you can't keep attraction alive without it--->
The woman that LIVES vs the Woman that lets herself go.
A foundational aspect of being a high value woman is all about the standards you set for yourself-
I want you to repeat this Gio'ism as my Embodied Feminine Woman Institute members call it- this is one I have on repeat there....
"A high value woman takes care of her needs, even when she doesn't feel like it."
That's anthem right there. Or said like this:
Are you growing everyday?
Are you more emotionally free and healthy every day? Or more insecure, depressed, isolated, passive, waiting for life to start?
Do you take care of your body? and move every day?
Do you practice self-care?
Do you accept crumbs from men or attract and accept only the best from them?
Do you have a social life that is full and rewarding?
Do you keep yourself in an abundant state of options?
Are you living your life to the fullest?
Or do you isolate every day more as your world becomes smaller?
Do you live for something bigger than yourself- a purpose or vision of helping others?
Do you give your gifts to the world?
Do you enjoy life and your passions?
What are you standards for your life? What will you etch into your life story when it ends? This is the diametric opposite than trying ot be perfect, which is against everything up there- it is our willingness to take our life into our own hands and make something of it that brings us happiness, peace and life and in turn, turns us into radiant, happy, empowered women who expect the best from life because we live up to our best.
Time is the most precious resource- and we can use it to expand our lives and raise our standards or become smaller and more alone each day. Each one of us chooses every day to let go of ourselves or build ourselves up with proper self care and standards.
Life can easily get in the way, and this isn't linear (meaning perfect all the time), we ebb and flow with life's demands but our center should always be ownership of our own lives and our own standards.
You want to keep attraction alive and burning hot?
It's in who you are being when you aren't with him, who you are for YOURSELF.
This keeps it hot and highly attractive to any man. What can you do today that will bring you more happiness? Wellbeing? Fulfillmment? MOve you away from the fear and oppression of scarcity? How can you be with your emotions and nurture them, and make yoruself feel safe and loved?
Our worlds become so small so easily, we can neglect ourselves so easily, we have all been there. However this isa reminder to put that energy back on to yourself like a High Value Woman and invest in yourself.
You are always loved,
From my cohost Justin Devonshire In our Men's Group: Modern Masculinity:
"A conversation with a female friend about relationships the other day...
Her: “Things haven’t been working out with my boyfriend for a while, why do I keep attracting the same kind of guy? He’s lazy, plays video games all day, doesn’t make decisions etc,”
Me: (giving input because I do know her and her partner quite well and understand their situation) : “There a plenty of factors, but because this isn’t a ‘coaching session’ I’ll strip it down to one basic - he’s been too feminine. And you’ve been too masculine.”
Her: “What’s wrong with being feminine?!” 😡
Me: Nothing. Being TOO feminine is the problem. I.e- out of balance.
Her: “That doesn’t make sense..”
Me: Ok, water is good for you right? Well what if you drank TOO much water, like 15 gallons in the next hour. Would that not be a problem?
Her: “ah I see...”
Me: He’s stepped into the role of receiver, and you into the role of provider. Which is the opposite to how nature intends it.
Women are the predominant receivers, of love, affection, sex, desire, vibration, emotion, senses, and intuition. Women crave to be in their intuition allowing the flow of life.
While men are the predominant providers of protection, physical strength, material items, building and creation. Men crave to be using their gifts of intention & strength to create, to build and to serve women who’ll receive them.
Her: “So you’re saying women can’t build things or have intention?”
Me: Again, think water. Just because I said you could drink water doesn’t mean you can’t drink lemonade.
Her: “...so how do I make him be more masculine and find more ambition and drive?”
Me: You can’t. But you can help yourself become more feminine, allowing, and give him the space to step into his masculine role.
Me: -> By letting him make decisions.
-> By not making him feel inferior for not making a decision.
-> By not acting like his mom.
-> By not cleaning up after him.
-> By allowing him the opportunity to create something for himself. And not immediately stepping in to take charge when he doesn’t.
Her: “...but what if I give him that space, and work on me, and he doesn’t step up..?”
Me: “You already know the answer to that. If you’ve given him the space... and you’ve shown support and encouragement for him to step into it... and he still refuses to take responsibility...
Then you’re building a life with a low value man. Either that’s your standard, or you create a new standard - that you’ll only give your time and energy to a high value man that does meet your standards.”
Share- don't impose! Men pull away from women who try to change them and are irresistibly drawn to women who accept them for who they are.
It is so easy to come on too strong- in this way and then have a man pull away ( 3 weeks in or months or years in).
As women we can be very passioante about the things we believe in-
It could be healthy eating and exercise, our lady boss lifestyles, our religious beliefs- or simply how we see and want to live in the world.
When you are dating a man it is very easy to begin encroaching on his space (leaning into his space) and forget to respect him as a grown man, and respect his own decision making.
You can share WITHOUT IMPOSING......
So let's pretend a woman is really into healthy eating- she loves to detox and do her thing. She and her man go to the supermarket together-
IMPOSING: "you should really start eating healthier, you should replace your meal with this ______________"
Sharing: "I love this because it helps me with this and tastes really good!"
Quality men value respect for their decisions almost more than anything and usually have- set routine, with set preferences he has dialed in for years- it's not our job to come in and change him.
Remember men want to please you as women when they are falling in love with you- and that may mean they jump on board with things-
like throwing out toxic home products
or trying out a laptop lifestyle
or doing a new health cleanse with you
or changing their diet
However as I taught in our incredibly popular Men Who Take It Slow-The path to Commitment With Men- men have a conscious and unconscious masculine driver- and if they wake up 3 months after dating a woman and see their life completely changed-
They will feel very emasculated (even if THEY asked for things!)....
I know- you might say, "but he asked!"
Remember the Gold in pacing. Share, don't change him, don't mold him, don't impose.
So, my tip for you is- be gentle and slow in your desire to influence a man- and do just that, influence by how you live your life, do not impose or tell him "That food isn't healthy!"
Do you, eat healthy, your radiance and health will speak volumes to him, inspire him and over time he may change (or he may not).
Your job is to accept a man as he is, or reject and move on to another.
A healthy couple influences each other daily, however men refer to a marriage as "ball in chain" when his freedom to be himself is smothered."
PACE merging and influencing....and you will inspire a man into his best and he will love you for it.
You are always loved,
I'm going to share with you ladies a lot of lessons I share with my clients- take note and keep coming back to this post-
These things are so proven- time and time again.
Actions- work better with men.
The thing is as women we love words, we love to talk, to process, to communicate with each other. We share everything, we want to merge with other sisters- share our lives and much more----->
That we often bring that to our relationships with men.
2 ways here I want to focus on today:
1. Fantasy Relationships-
Few things are as painful as waking up to the reality that the relationship you thought existed, was only in your mind and not the actual reality.
You got head of him, or thought he was more in, or were waiting and waiting and waiting, leaving your life behind while waiting for him to one day show up.
There are a lot of way in which we miss clues and we miss red flags, and we just generally miss the real picture- and again it goes back to words and thoughts over actions. Getting addicted to the feelings the fantasy gives us and not actions- which tends to feel counter intuitive especially as we teach you to feel over doing.....
Here's the thing though, for many reasons, a few being a missing father, not enough love in the home growing up, our own fears of intimacy, our own fears of being alone and our own fears of rejeciton- we can create a fantasy relationship with a man.
Where he doesn't act- we FILL IT IN with a fantasy-often staying in these fantasy relationships for years-
With a married man
An ex that never reappears but we are convinced he is our "soulmate"
That guy you have a crush in you are just waiting on.
And on and on----->
Like a female client of mine who had been in love 3 times- and every times she had been in love with a man for 5 years, and none of those men were ever her boyfriend or partner- ongoing fantasy relationships in her mind, all sorts of exchanges and feelings going on- in reality the man never investing and pursuing other women.
You know how it goes- it is so prevalent for us as women- an easy trap we can fall into.
To safeguard yourself here you have to work on codependence issues, possible love addiction issues and all the core pain and wounding that would surface from this through inner work that has you repeating these patterns of being fantasy/early attached to unavailable love.....
AND you have to shift, radically, into looking at men's actions over anything they say, or any feeling you fill in the gap with.
They can a talk, you can fantasize, you can imagine- but at the end of the day--> ACTIONS, ACTIONS, ACTIONS, speak in the language of men. Period. Is he investing? Then you know.
2. Actions work, words fall short-
How many ultimatums have you seen a woman give a man? She flies off the handle, berates, her anger fuming- yet he doesn't change and neither does she.
The real core issues don't change- she doesn't step up for herself and step up the way she shows up with men (from low value= disempowered ---> to high value =empowered).
She goes on being clingy, or needy or continues with low value or relationship sabotaging patterns, and self esteem behaviors, neglecting her life and needs, and he remains unchanged, uninspired and unwilling.
You want a man to respond? Drop the words, the passive aggression, the angry texts, the ultimatums, the games, the pursuing- and go WIDE into meeting YOUR needs, taking amazing care of you, healing emotionally, opening up abundant options of men so you never again settle- pull that energy back on YOU and watch that speak more loudly than anything you can ever say.
Actions, boundaries, self esteem, high value, self care, feminine energy- when embodied is power and power leads to change and to the desires of your heart.
We are so used to being disempowered, we have been so alone in the lack of support and proper mentorship and parenting, we have really been doing so much of this so alone that's its no wonder we end up heart broken and stuck-
......but it doesn't have to be that way- and it isn't for the hundreds of women we are working with who go on to attract dream love fast and more importantly fall so deeply in love with themselves they break patterns like these.
We not only teach you step by step how to become a fully empowered, embodied, feminine woman, but we hold your hand and blow on the spark in your heart until it becomes a full blazing glorious woman, irresistible and magnetic in her power.
So remember, words fall short- nothing says "low value: like a woman with a lot of talk and no action on her behalf, same with a man. Look at a man's actions and take actions on your behalf that come from the healthiest, most loving and empowered self within you.
You are always loved,
#bought this dress below by the way because goals.
So many of you share with me the deep pain you feel- you know that pain you bury in staying busy and distracted with work, family or kids....the pain you bury under exhilarating feelings of being independent and being able to do whatever you want with your life....that pain that is slowly burning underneath long to do's, pursuing passions, traveling the world... Have you considered what it means to do nothing today?
The pain that comes with the question: "Will I ever have love with the man of my dreams?"
The problem is when that pain surfaces we do one of 2 things- we distract or we hit walls.
We distract from how much we want this......as I listed above...or we take unstrategic, unguided shots in the dark (like throwing spaghetti on the wall to see what will stick) and as we experience:
Another guy we are into pulling away and disappearing.
Only attracting mediocre men that don't do it for us.
The guys we are into seemingly not being interested in us.
Another weekend lone with no date in sight.
Another wedding celebrating your bestie, but feeling profoundly sad on the inside.
Distraction or walls....but no solutions....
Because solutions require something of us don't they?
They require we face our pain, get our of our comfort zone and actually DO something about our life.
It requires us to grow, to invest time and show real commitment to figuring the root causes of why things aren't working out for us in the way we dream.
It's easier to blame men, it's easier to give up on love (or at least say we do when we don't)......Solutions require ownership, responsibility, willingness to change from deep within, willingness to learn how to truly love the other....
We want to attract men that DO something when the time requires it- men of commitment, men who are self-responsible, men who grow to the challenege- and that usually takes a woman who is living like that to attract it.
What happens when we truly do nothing? Nothing changes beauty.
What if you could know that at the end of your work day you go home to your loving man whom you felt totally secure and safe with, your best friend and companion to share the end of your day and it felt amazing to do so?
What if you know that the instant your tire deflates or car breaks down or you feel unsafe you have your Man on speed dial who would do anything to keep you protected and safe?
What if you have your best friend and Man to do life with, through all the ups and the downs and could go to him with anything?
BEcoming a High Value Woman is about learning what valye is- first how to value ourselves really (as self-esteem, self-respect and self-love are basically everything) and then learning how to bring a lot of value to a relationship- form the way we communicate to the way we show up day to to day...
If you haven't applied yet to our incredible Embodied Feminine Woman Institute where we teach you the exact roadmap to attract and keep love and devotion from your dream man, PM Gergana Martinova today!
You are always loved,